what if?

On Sunday morning, Pastor preached an incredible sermon from Psalm 13, taking a negative approach to thankfulness. He approached our blessings from the opposite point of view, not just “I’m thankful that God loves me” but “What if God forgot me?” 

What if God did forget me? What if I went for days, weeks, years looking for Him to no avail? False fear creeps up through my torso and grabs me by the throat when I think on that possibility for even a few seconds. I linger there momentarily because of the emotional gratefulness that follows as I turn my brain to Truth—God has not forgotten me! In fact, He’s more accessible to me than He was to King David! He not only has not forgotten but He cares intimately about every detail of me.

And what if I had sorrow everyday? What if I was running for my life? What if my ten children died in one day? What if Kameron got hit by a car? What if Megan died today, Kir tomorrow, Chels the next day, and Heather the next day? What if the coming persecution was already here (and I had to stay for it)? What if my sin was not atoned for and I lived with the guilt? What if I wanted to make amends with God and couldn’t? What if He hadn't made amends for me? Hesitate on some of these scenarios. Worry is unnecessary but thinking of the opposites increases the value of my present situation!! I have had sorrow but never every day. Never without ceasing.

What if God did not hear me? Have you ever tried to communicate with someone who didn’t hear you? There are many reasons why someone can’t hear, some worse than others. He is deaf. He is sleeping. He is dead. He is ignoring you. He is angry with you. He is on vacation. What if God didn’t hear me?! What if even one of these reasons was true of Him? What sorrow?! What tragedy?! What hopelessness!?!

Yet He hears.

What if Jesus hadn’t come to earth? What if He had sinned just once on this puny earth? What if He had given into the temptation to appeal to His Father to send twelve legions of angels to His rescue in the Garden? What if He had come off the cross instead of holding Himself there? What if death had triumphed and He hadn’t risen?!

I would not be waiting to die and go to hell—I’d be IN HELL NOW. 

These "What Ifs" are utterly invalid.

What if I didn’t have my family? What if I had never worked at the Wilds? What if things at church had remained as they were? What if God hadn’t provided my incredible friends? What if I had refused God when He called to me? What if I chose to live in sin? What if I didn’t have a job? What if God didn’t care? What if...?

I think the "What Ifs" are healthy in this case.

My eyes fill with salty liquid when I reflect on the Truth of Who God Is and what He has provided. 

what i'm doing now...all the boring details

People constantly ask me what I’m doing these days and I struggle with how to answer them. I’m living my life. It’s not exactly what I think I would choose but it is where I am and I am successfully endeavoring to enjoy every moment.

And I am very grateful for where I am (contentment) and for what I am doing (purpose).

However, I am sarcastic and occassionally have a creative moment so depending on who you are and how well you know me, I may answer the “So what are you doing now, Kate?” question with a variety of answers--

Confident: I am currently learning every aspect of the personalization department of Cornerstone Consolidated Services Group Inc. We personalize the finest home furnishings and decorations for five companies and our volume increases dramatically during the holiday season. Thus far, I have learned four of the six steps involved and am excelling in each area.

Insecure: Um, I’m learning to embroider stuff for a catalog company.

Bum: Dude, I have a college degree but I’m working at a warehouse.

Funny: I put monograms on dog pillows. The best monogram I’ve seen so far is “Wigglebutt” but I’ve heard tales of much better, er, worse. :D

Comfy: I get to wear jeans and a t-shirt to work and I get off at 3:30 every day!

Motivated: I’m getting forty hours a week working in the personalization department for a catalog company where soon I’ll be getting at least 20 hours of overtime along with a bonus every week for speed, accuracy, and excellence.

Comparison: I got my first pay check for only 32 hours and I about flipped out because I haven’t had that much money for that little work in a long time! That’s not a bad thing (from before) but whoa holy cow it’s amazing!!

Anticipatory: I’m working at a warehouse. But I like it and no, I’m not using my Bachelor of Arts degree in Creative Writing and yes, I’m living at home but I am paying a little rent.

Spiritual: Well, the Lord has led me home again and has provided a job with overtime hours and I’m also getting involved in my church youth group. I’m very thankful. Also, I’m praying for boldness to seize witnessing opportunities and to really make a difference out in the world.

Depressed: I’m making less then $10/hour and I get up at 5:30 in the morning to go work in a warehouse with a bunch of people who never went to college. Also, I have to stand on my feet ALL day.

Check it out!!: So I’m learning how to use an industrial embroidery machine and I’m always racing myself with the assembly line stuff (the faster I go, the more money I make for real). Our department has one corner on the second level of this HUGE warehouse and the bins come up the conveyor belt, we sort the stuff into totes, use the computer program to make the discs with the monograms on it, embroider the stuff, trim it and clean it up, bag it, box it, and send it back down! I really like learning the whole process!

Moody: Nothing really.

Young Person/Tightwad perspective: We monogram all kinds of stuff for people who spend way too much money on bedding and pets. I mean, why in the world would you wanna monogram your sheets?! Also, I’ve handled at least a thousand dog bone pillows with all kinds of ridiculous names—I will never understand people and their pets! The stockings we do are cute but they’re $50!!!! And they’re made of felt!! Sheesh, I’ll make you a felt stocking and you can give me $10. And the Santa Bags?! They’re these huge velvety bags that you can put presents in but they’re over-the-top ornate and they’re like, $80!!! Iyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi!

That’s all I can think of right now. 

If you’re curious:

http://www.frontgate.com/mercadoSearch.do?action=search&newSearch=true&freeText=dog+bone+pillow&Search.x=47&Search.y=9

http://www.garnethill.com/hable-christmas-stockings/bedding-home/holiday-decor/stockings/169424